We Don't Want to Raise the Men We Fear

Only 2 days ago, I was boarding the train when a man molested me from behind. He thought the crowd was a good place to hide, and it was. When I looked behind, it was just a crowd of men, and to me, they all looked like monsters.

They were not raised in the digital era. They didn’t have access to the internet 24/7, nor did they have social media to brainwash them. So, while social media plays a role, this issue of boys being raised into monsters is not a very new one.

Adolescence brought to light a very important problem. Yes, the online world can corrupt kids' minds, but we as parents need to reevaluate how we go forward. Who are we really raising? The little, cute, smart boy at our home—what is he capable of?

The current generation has got all kinds of information at their fingertips, and we cannot really take that away from them. That said, it’s not just the internet, but also the environment they are being raised in, the behavior they are subjected to. So how do we make sure we raise our boys to be empathetic, kind, and good men?

Most parents are doing their best, often without realizing the quiet influences shaping their children. This isn’t about blame—it’s about awakening. The internet isn’t going away. But neither is our power to raise good humans. Let’s raise boys who know what kindness feels like so they don’t have to be taught it at the cost of someone else’s safety.

1. Share Your Own Stories

Empathy plays an important role in raising kind and gentle human beings. When your kid can feel and understand others’ pain, they naturally refrain from activities that might harm others. You are someone they care about and love, so your stories make them more understanding of what it might feel like to be a victim.

Empathy isn’t taught in a lecture—it’s felt in your stories.

2. Check In On Who They Look Up To and Why

When Taylor Swift wrote the song "All Too Well" about a heartbreak rumored to be about Jake Gyllenhaal, the whole internet went crazy, dropping hate comments on his Instagram. That’s the power of a celebrity's influence; their personal experiences, likes, dislikes, and beliefs become your own.

Kids have not found their voice yet, so they are quick to accept the opinions of others as their own. So it’s important to check in on who they look up to and make sure they don’t inherit misogynist, patriarchal thought processes.

3. Talk Openly About Their Body and Sex

Kids are curious and confused. Their bodies are changing; they feel different, and they do not understand what is happening or why. Who do they ask?

They have three options:

• You: who have the right knowledge and can educate them in a healthy manner.

• Friends: who are equally clueless or have incomplete/wrong information themselves.

• Internet: which has the good, the bad, and the worst of the worst. Do you want to take a risk and see what it feeds your kid?
  
  

Be the person they can come to with questions. Initiate the conversation, and keep the channel open for them.

Deal with the awkwardness. If you don’t, they’ll turn to unreliable sources—and misinformation will fill the silence you left.

Use this as a prompt: "I know it’s weird to talk about this, but now that you are growing up, your body is also going to change. You don’t have to figure it out on your own; you can ask me anything, and I promise I will be honest and open with you."

4. Teach Them Cause and Effect

To paraphrase Stanford psychologist Philip Zimbardo in the book The Lucifer Effect: "People do not commit evil deeds because they are evil; they do so because they think they can get away with it."

Basically, when we commit something wrong, it is not because we do not know it is wrong but because we do not think we will get caught. In psychological terms, it is called “optimism bias.” We don’t think about the consequences because in our minds, we believe it won’t happen to us.

Kids need to learn from a young age that even small actions can have consequences. They might not be the ones to bear the consequences every time, but there always are consequences, and someone is bearing them.

5. Your Own Behavior and Home Environment

Kids are more observant than we realize. They pick up on small things and notice even what we miss. Take a look around you and think about the conversations that happen at home:

• Do you appreciate your spouse for what they do?

• Is your spouse an active participant in household activities?

• How do you express your anger?

• What words do you use when admiring your kid?
  
  

These are just some questions to ask yourself. They learn how to behave from you, what to believe from you. The environment at home sets the standard for right and wrong for the rest of their life.

6. Make Home a Safe Space

Listen, don’t judge. Be their parent, but also be their friend whom they can trust to handle things the right way without fear. Share your own stories, giving them an opening to initiate their conversations instead of asking them, which might feel interrogative.

Tip: Use this dialogue: "Whenever you are in a problem and unsure what to do, call me. I promise I won’t get mad. I’m not saying there won’t be consequences, but remember, I care about you. Any decision I make, my only intention will be to help you. I’ve been around longer and have more experience dealing with sticky situations."

Don’t only say the words; understand them and apply them.

7. Take Them Seriously

Sometimes, when a kid shares something, we unknowingly laugh it off. When a kid comes to you and complains, “XYZ called me a teeny monkey,” I admit it's a little funny. But think about it from the kid’s point of view: that is his or her biggest problem at the moment—and you simply laughed.

They lose the person they could vent to about their problems. Take their problems seriously, so they take your advice seriously.

Conclusion

You don’t have to be a perfect parent to raise good humans, you just have to be present, honest, and willing to grow alongside them. The world will keep changing, and the Internet won’t slow down. But your voice, your values, and your love still matter more than any algorithm. Start the conversation. Be their safe place. That’s how we raise boys into men the world can trust.